Which do you want first?

2 Nov

The good news or the bad news?

I guess we’ll start with the bad. That was the progression of my day anyway.

I FINALLY was able to meet with my boss today to discuss the future of my job…To fill you in, I have been running a small childcare center for a little over a year now. It was a new program that I started from the ground and I was hired under the intention that I would make it into a great, big wonderful place. And I did. For the most part. I did everything I could do with the resources that I was given. However, somewhere along the lines, my boss decided that she wasn’t so much into this idea anymore. It was obvious that she began to care less and less and less about the child care business that she had hired me to run. In the last few months I have been met with opposition at every turn. From hiring new staff to care for the influx of infants to pretty much blowing me off at each request for a meeting with her.

Myself, my staff, and the children’s parents are all equally frustrated.

I for one, am ready for so much more responsibility and growth than she was willing to give. I had more responsibility before I quit my last job and headed back to college. I had more responsibility before I earned $20k in student loan debt….

Anyway, after weeks of blowing me off, we finally sat down and had a meeting about the future of the daycare. To sum things up, she basically told me that I should probably start looking for a new job. She made it seem like it was in best interest….you know, “You’re too big for this…You’re better than this…blah, blah blah.” I believe she even said that I was young and beautiful and could have any job I wanted. Yeah right. It took me 8 months to get this job. She is such a yes person and I think she wants to the daycare to simply fail rather than have to tell the staff and parents (and me) that the gig is up. She doesn’t want to be responsible for that. She wants me to be responsible for that by quitting for better prospects.

So, maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Or at least that is what I am trying to convince myself. Let’s just hope that I don’t end up unemployed and pregnant. That would be terrible. Because who would hire a pregnant woman?

Or a better note…or at least the promise of a better note: I found a therapist that I love!

I’ll keep you posted as I go along, but for now I am actually feeling pretty hopeful. Over the course of an hour we discussed my fears around pregnancy, the mountain of shit that is my father, and so much more. I was very straightforward and told her that I don’t have time to just discuss my feelings and fears. I actually want to do something about them.

I am so damn tired of being depressed and anxiety ridden. I want to be happy. I’ll say it again (mostly to convince myself):

I want to be happy. I want to stop over analyzing everything. I want to let go of everything that is holding me back from being my most authentic self. I just want to be happy. I realize that happy is a relative term. But for once, I want to be able to define that for myself. Hopefully this is the first step.

Until next time….

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