Just for today.

21 Nov

I feel good. And for that reason, I am not going to think about where I’ve come from or where I am going. Yeah right….well, maybe that will be my goal for this moment. Sometimes I think that if I could break time down into a series of moments then I wouldn’t find myself so overwhelmed by the things that I anticipate.

What’s that you say? I can break time down into series of moments? Then I guess my struggle lies in learning to live strictly within those moments. I probably overlook so many wonderful things simply by living two steps ahead of myself. I am probably happy more often than I realize, but I am just so busy focusing on the times when I am not that I don’t acknowledge those times when I really am at….peace? I never really think of myself as a peaceful person. There is so much unrest inside my head and my body that I am constantly abuzz with anticipation and impatience.

I don’t really know where I am going with that, so I’ll just leave it there. My deep thoughts for the day….

So, onto other things.

Tim and I decided to try. And try we did….you can’t see me, but trust me when I say that I am blushing and giggling as I type that. By the time we reached that decision (my husband and I could medal in over-analyzing), it was a little late in my cycle, but not impossibly late. So, we’ll see. And that’s all I have to say about that. I’m not sure that Tim would appreciate me going into all the dirty details as I have a slight problem with over sharing.

On an unrelated note, I got a job! It’s really just a side job with not a whole lot of income potential, so it’s not like I am leaving my day job or anything. It’s just a little extra “me” income….also known as my shopping fund. Hopefully. If I am successful. I am now the Baltimore Early Childhood Education expert for Examiner.com. I will be writing about 2 short articles per week to be posted on their website. If nothing else, it will look great on my resume. But more importantly, it forces me to write again. And not this pour-my-heart-out-on-my-blog kind of writing. Rather, it’s the kind that forces me to use the parts of my brain that aren’t totally emotionally driven and anxiety ridden. It also forces me to acknowledge that someone has deemed me an “expert” in something. Yeah, I too think they are probably mistaken. But for now I will take the self-esteem booster. I take those wherever I can get them….

I will definitely post links to my articles here, on my blog. Feel free to check them out and let me know what you think. Keep a lookout for my first article within the next two weeks or so!

Lastly, I probably won’t be writing for the next week or so. Tim and I are heading to Tennessee for Thanksgiving. Talk about taking the anxiety bait. I fully expect this trip to be HELL. It certainly was the last time we went. But we’ll see, maybe this year will be different. Living in the moment, right? I am sure I will have much to say about the 9 hour drive high up into The Smoky Mountains. Stay tuned….

So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, here are 10 things that I am thankful for this year (and I will even throw in some picture for good measure):

1. Tim. My husband. Also known as the man who puts up with entirely too much of my shit. Although, to be fair, he hasn’t done a load of laundry or scrubbed a single toilet since we moved in, so I think we’re kind of even. He makes me happy. He makes me feel beautiful. He makes life worth the struggle.

2. My family. Each and every one of them. From my momma and step-dad to my brothers, nieces, cousins, and grandparents. They love me and that makes me feel good. I like good. (my niece, my momma, and my littlest brother)

3. My friends. Especially Kate and Jackie. Who are always there for me. No matter what. No judgement. Love those ladies!

(yes, she is licking my head. weirdo)

4. My babies. And no, they aren’t my babies. But I devote a large part of my day loving them and ensuring that they are well taken care of. They reciprocate by looking unbelievably cute. I love them for that.But I won’t put their pictures up here because I’m not sure that they’re parents’ would appreciate that.

5. Leggings (is that even how you spell that?) and my new sweatshirt dress a la Target. I can’t find it online, but trust me when I say: most comfortable outfit ever. Which lends itself nicely to #6….

6. My new boots! They look fantastic with my leggings and sweatshirt dress!

Plus, they make me feel cute. And I like feeling cute.

Is it just me, or has this Thanksgiving list gotten awfully superficial? Perhaps I should get back to matters of the heart….

7. Or my heart, itself. I am thankful that I have such a big heart. Yeah, it gets me in trouble from time to time, but ultimately I am thankful that I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I really like that about myself. Although it makes for a terrible poker face.

8. Uh, did I mention my husband? Oh, I did. Hmmm, this is harder than I thought.

9. My therapist. Here’s a joke for you? How do you know when you have real problems? Punchline: your therapist is #9 on a list of things you are thankful for. Not funny? Well, the truth usually isn’t.

10. (!!!) Earrings. I feel like my face looks thinner when I wear them. That also makes me feel good.

I guess the common thread here is that I thankful for all the things in my life that make me feel good. All the things that make getting out of bed each morning just a tad bit easier.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!!!



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