Worst Night. Ever.

9 Jan

I sincerely hope this post makes sense as I am delirious with fever. Still. Which begins my story of the Worst Night. Ever.

So, maybe that’s a bit melodramatic, but you get the point.

This past Thursday night my husband was out of town. I had been coughing and sniffling for a few days at that point, but of course, this is the night things decide to take a turn for the worse. I barely sleep as it is when Tim isn’t home, but this night was made worse by my terrible, hacking cough. I finally fell asleep around 11:00 and slept fitfully until about 3:30 am when I awoke gasping for air because I simply COULD NOT stop coughing. The non-stop coughing and stuffy nose had also given me a borderline migraine and needless to say, I was in a lot of pain.

At this point I didn’t want to take any Robotussin or NyQuil because of the fact that I might be pregnant. So, I took an extra strength Tylenol and tried to lay back down. Of course, that only made matters worse. Around 4:00 am I decided to boil a pot of water and used a towel over my head in order to inhale the steam. This was very soothing and worked well until I couldn’t take the heat any longer and had to remove my face from atop the steaming vapors. Immediately, the coughing commenced and my head started throbbing again.

I then decided to take a bath. Not too hot, of course, because I might be pregnant. The bath helped to relax me and to mostly quiet my nagging cough. After about 15 minutes I got out, dried myself off, and got dressed. Then, I realized….

…that I had started my period.

Yeah, so I’m not pregnant. Not this time. Logically, I know that this is not all that unreasonable, but I suppose I hadn’t really prepared myself for the sense of disappointment that I would feel. I feel like my body let me down or I let my body down. Either way, I can’t help but feel crestfallen.

There was very little anxiety involved in the experience. There were definitely a few what-ifs…most frequent: what if this means I can’t ever get pregnant? And others: Was it that glass of wine I had on New Years? Was it the fever I was running a couple of days ago?

I’d be lying if I said that the thoughts weren’t still in the back of my head, but at the forefront is a very positive message. There is always next month. Although, now that I have experienced it, I am really dreading going through the two-week wait again. Scrutinizing every possible symptom. Agonizing over if I am pregnant or not. It seriously made for the longest two weeks of my life.

So I let myself have Friday to feel sorry for myself. I cried to my husband when he got home and ate some lemon meringue pie. Now that I know how it can feel I will be better prepared for the next two-week wait and the subsequent results, whatever they might be.

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One Response to “Worst Night. Ever.”

  1. amy January 12, 2011 at 1:10 pm #

    Hi! I’m so sorry you were so sick 😦 And then to add insult to injury, no baby 😦

    Not sure if it’s comforting, but it can take a few months to get that little miracle…on average. But the let down still hurts the same! Not sure if you’ve done any “research” on baby making…but there are a lot of things you can check for to ensure when you ovulate. Dr. Google can make you crazy, but he can also help you in that area to better understand when you ovulate.

    I gotta tell you, for several LONG months I just assumed I ovulated on day 14, per all the websites. It took me a while to figure out that each woman is different, and that I generally am a late “ovulator” at about day 17-19. This can drastically affect your fertility…cause in the beginning I would only cover days 13-15 and think I was good.

    Anywho, I’ve become a pro at the TTC game…but I have a feeling that won’t be you 🙂 I’m so NOT gonna be THAT girl that says try not to think about it…HA! But, do think positively…it’s gonna happen! Praying for you!!

    Keep us posted!! I hope you are feeling better by now 🙂 🙂 🙂

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