What’s to be ashamed of?

1 Mar

My husband and I are trying to get pregnant. I am excited about it and every month I get my hopes up that this month will be THE month. No, we aren’t pregnant yet. Yes, I understand that most people don’t talk about pregnancy until they are out of the first trimester. Yes, I am aware that it could take some time. And yes,Β  I understand that miscarriages are more common than most people know.

But this doesn’t make me any less excited or any less hopeful. It doesn’t make me any less of the woman that I am: one who wants a baby more than anything and one that isn’t ashamed of the way I feel about this.

I am so tired of people telling me that I shouldn’t get my hopes up. What?!? This makes zero sense. If ever there were a time to be hopeful, that time is now. I know what I want and I am going after it. If I were applying to Harvard, would these same people encourage me to not be hopeful until I received my admission letter? No. They would lecture me on the power of positive thinking.

And this whole ‘keeping pregnancy a secret until the second trimester’ thing. I don’t get that either. Women have miscarriages. It’s a part of life and though I have never experienced it, I can imagine how painful it is. I know what it feels like to lose love. I wouldn’t go shouting it from the rooftops, but you can be assured that if I am discussing the ins and out of my reproductive process with you then it is because I trust you. And quite possibly because you are someone I would seek comfort from if I were to experience such a deep, personal loss.

So, I ask again: What’s to be ashamed of?

I am profoundly hopeful. I want to be rallied around. I want to be encouraged and I want those that I love to be hopeful as well.

I do not want to be told to stop over analyzing my body. I do not want to be told that I am getting ahead of myself. I do not want to be told that I shouldn’t err on the side of optimism. But mostly, I do not want to be told that I should stop talking about it.

Additionally, I feel that it is also okay to acknowledge when our efforts do not result in conception. It is a occasion to be recognized as I undoubtedly have feelings and emotions that surround my disappointment. I don’t want to be reminded that there is always next month. I want to be afforded the chance to feel my feelings. They are real and should not be glossed over. They exist, right or wrong. And everything that exists deserves to be acknowledged. There is no such thing as feeling in the wrong manner.

I am (hopefully) creating life. This is exciting, terrifying, and the current primary focus of my life. There is nothing wrong with that. And I will no longer allow people to make me feel like I am being improper by sharing that part of me with whomever I so desire.


2 Responses to “What’s to be ashamed of?”

  1. amy March 2, 2011 at 10:24 am #

    haha..I spelled roll like role….i hate misspelling words!!

  2. amy March 2, 2011 at 10:13 am #

    My goodness…two posts to catch up on πŸ™‚

    First, on the previous post, that does sound a bit scary. Glad to hear that it isn’t cancerous, but the potential of causing male infertility isn’t cool!! My recommendation is to have a sperm analysis done, since you’re TTC, I’m certain that’s what your Dr would recommend. My husband has had a few, he seriously paid a co-pay of $25…not bad. That will give you an understanding of count, motility, mobility and so forth…something you really wanna know, and I say go ahead and do it and don’t wait months. If for any reason your Dr doesn’t want to be aggressive or you think he won’t be aggressive…it’s not the end of the world to tell him that you’ve been TTC a bit longer than you have, a little white lie πŸ˜‰ A lot of Dr’s are adament that you try for at least 6mos, if not a year before they will intervene. And, God forbid Mr T does have some swimmer issues, there is hope for that too…no worries πŸ™‚

    I totally understand what you are saying in this post! Unfortunately, I have heard it all as well. For pete’s sake, if we don’t have hope…what in the world do we have?? Probably the most bothersome comment goes like this “You’re worrying too much, that’s your problem, stop worrying and it will happen”…for real?? Ohhhhhh, I didn’t know that was the answer to all my TTC troubles, thank you so much for solving it for me!! Arrrgghh!! You really learn to over look these comments because they don’t understand, but it’s still maddening!

    You have permission to think about TTC as much as you want!! It’s a beautiful dream to have and nobody can take that away or diminish your desire!! I do “get” that stress doesn’t help matters, but I can’t imagine ONE woman not stressing even after failing ONE month of TTC. Just try and let those comments role right off your back πŸ™‚ Your hope and desire is what will sustain you Jenn!

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