The Results Are In…

17 Mar

We received the results of Mr. T’s semen analysis yesterday and the news is good!! Everything fell into the normal range and he even scored above average in a few categories. He always has been an over-achiever.This is great news for us and such a relief. The doctor said he has no reason to believe that the varicocele is causing any fertility issues for Mr. T. So, for now, it will stay.

I can’t even begin to explain what a relief this is for the both of us. I could hear the excitement in his voice when he called me to share the results. Then, of course, he came home so we could “celebrate” and get right back to (hopefully) procreating. But, believe me, this was no easy task. Mr. T is essentially married to his job this week. He has been pulling 15+ hour days all week, coming home only to sleep and, well, “celebrate.”

While this certainly comes as a welcome break in both of our days and forces us to get creative, it kind of makes it feel like business rather than pleasure and possibility. I really shouldn’t complain. I know he is working hard, stressed out, and trying his best to juggle both responsibilities. Eh, whatever. We’re making it work.

Timing always seems to be difficult for us. There is always a million things going on at that time of the month (which, but the way, has taken on a whole new meaning now that we are trying to get pregnant). I am trying to maintain an element of spontaneity throughout the entire month, but during that magical 5 day window I really have no choice but to do the exact opposite. Seriously, no choice. I can’t turn off the flashing neon signs inside my body that are saying, “must make baby NOW.” There is an obvious process going on in my body that completely takes over and I really have no control over it.

This isn’t the worst thing in the world for me as I excel at scheduling and planning, however, I am having a difficult time pinpointing what is it that I am feeling. Hence the rambling. Maybe it’s guilt? Because I also excel at feeling guilty. Isn’t the idea that babies should be planned for, expected, created with purpose? The only conclusion that I come to has to do with constantly hearing that it will happen when I least expect it to or whenit is meant to. But, then, wouldn’t that define it as an accident? I have never been a “see what happens” kind of gal. I think that maybe I feel guilt over the fact that I can’t be that way and just let this happen. My mind won’t let me, but even more so, my body won’t let me. And I agree with my body, that is how (biologically) it is supposed to happen. So, then, why do I feel so…..wrong insecure confused?

Anywho….please send us your positive thoughts over the next few days. It would be greatly appreciated.


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