Overwhelmed.

10 Apr

First things first, I did not get pregnant this month…I guess the third time is not the charm. The news was a little easier to swallow this time around and I am already gearing up for next month. I don’t know why, but I really feel like April is our month. I just have a feeling that it’s going to happen this time around. It’s officially spring, time for growth and renewal. I can definitely get on board with that.

It has been a little bittersweet, however. I am pretty sure that everyone I know is pregnant. So, seriously, if you aren’t actively trying to get pregnant then you better double up on your birth control if you plan on being around me. I must be giving off massive amounts of baby dust, all the while seeming to avoid it for myself. Three of my closest friends are in various stages of pregnancy, although Jackie is due to give birth ANY DAY now!! I am so excited to meet her sweet little Wyatt. Her due date is April 10th, so really we’re just waiting on him at this point….

My brother’s girlfriend just announced that she is pregnant with his third child (her second). I just want to know how my little brother got 3 of them before I get one?!?! Doesn’t seem right.

And speaking of brothers, that seems to be what is overwhelming me. We had a going away party for the other one, the youngest one, this past weekend because in just a few days he will ship off to South Carolina for Army basic training. Yes, both of my brothers are officially members of the U.S. Army. Although this will come as no surprise to those of you that know me, I am not taking it very well.

I certainly have my own issues and principles surrounding the general idea of him joining the Army, but this really has nothing to do with that. I understand that he respectfully disagrees with me and this is the choice that he, as an adult, has made for his own life. I am also grateful that my other brother, a recruiter for the Army, has managed to set him up with the best possible situation.

I just want him to come back in one piece. I don’t want him to experience war. I don’t want him to be sad, scared, or lonely. I don’t want to show up on Easter morning and he’s not there. I don’t want to miss him. I don’t want to wonder where he is, what he is doing, or if he is happy.

I just don’t.

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