Beyond Frustrated.

28 Oct

Just a quick little update….

Aunt Flow arrived today. 2 days early. Despite my hope, all the “signs,” and warm feelings towards this month, I am not pregnant. Again.

I have to repeat my cycle day 3 lab work to see if the Prolactinoma (non-cancerous tumor on my pituitary gland) has gotten any larger so that my RE and I can determine my course of treatment.

Go figure that cycle day 3 falls on a Sunday and that the only freakin lab in my entire state that is open on Sundays does not take my insurance. In fact, they take pretty much every kind of insurance except mine. So we either pay out of pocket or wait another month. For someone who has been living her life month-to-month, the idea of waiting any longer is agonizing. But it seems as if that’s what I am facing. Another month waiting, charting, hoping, and waiting some more.

So that’s what’s going on around here.

I can’t remember if I have said this before or not, but one of the cruelest parts of finding out that you’re not pregnant each month is that the news is ushered in amidst cramps, backaches, and copious amounts of female hormones. Hormones that make me grumpier, sadder, and more depressed than I am at any other time of the month. It seems as if it makes this process much more dramatic than it would be otherwise.

That being said, I’m going to go curl into a ball with my heating pad and have a good cry. Then maybe a glass of wine….

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2 Responses to “Beyond Frustrated.”

  1. Jenn November 1, 2011 at 11:54 am #

    Yay! Amy can comment again!!! I always love to hear your input πŸ™‚

    How things change so quickly…I just repeated the same blood work as before and got my results this morning. Everything looks great….even my prolactin dropped back down into the normal range. It’s at the high end of the normal range, but normal nonetheless. I’ll be writing a new blog about it sometime soon. So I guess we’re back to square one with figuring out what is going on. It’s strange, but I find myself hoping that there there is something wrong because then it’s at least treatable, rather than unexplained.

    I’m still struggling to find the silver lining in all of this. Now that I am a month away from officially joining “the club” the only thing I know for sure is how bad I want this baby. And how much this baby will surely know that he/she is wanted. It is testing the limits of my anxiety and that has been a growth experience, for sure, but I think I am still in the bitter/angry stage πŸ™‚ Hopefully I will be moving out of that soon.

    Anyway, it was great to hear from you again! I need an update as to what’s going on with you…I hope all is well and you will (and are) in my thoughts, as well! I know deep down inside that our stories have perfectly, happy endings.

  2. amy October 31, 2011 at 10:13 am #

    Ok, let’s see if I can comment!! I like your new site πŸ™‚ I’ve been trying to comment since you first wrote about the prolactin (sp?) issue. I wanted to tell you that I have heard about that with women before, and I have seen success with it. It *seems* to be a fairly treatable issue πŸ™‚

    As far as not getting pregnant yet, I think you know what your issue is and it sounds like you’re working to treat it…so at least you know the “issue” at hand, and that is good. I’m very sorry that you are struggling with this, I was hoping and praying that you wouldn’t be joining the “club”. Something tells me that you won’t be a member long though πŸ˜‰ This probably sounds really crazy, but I think a BRIEF struggle with infertility works for the good of the soul. It brings about a deeper appreciation of so much. I certainly don’t wish an indefinite struggle on anyone, but my heart has changed in so many good ways.

    Try to keep your spirits up and your faith in the process strong…gotta have hope my friend πŸ˜‰ I’m thinking of you and praying as always! Keep us posted!!

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