A Fresh Dose Of Perspective

19 Dec

I might talk a lot of shit (pardon my language) but for the most part, I truly love my friends. They have this strange way of coming through exactly when I need them. Just when I think I am about to give up on of them, they show me exactly why I choose to have them in my life. Yes, a lot of them are experiencing life changes that I desperately want to be a part of, but there are also those friends who are so far from this point (the making babies point) in their lives that sometimes I forget that they can also add a unique perspective to what I am going through.

First, there is K. K and I have been friends for 17 years (!!!). She is also now my sister-in-law as she married my husband’s brother a couple of years ago. As an aside, this is the best thing that has happened to the in-law situation in quite sometime. It is nothing short of awesome to have one of your best friends by your side at your mother-in-law’s house for Christmas dinner. She takes a lot of pride in being the calm voice of reason, so every month when I tell her that I think I might be pregnant she calmly tells me not to get my hopes up. I’d be lying if I told you that this doesn’t sting a little, but at this moment I am capable of appreciating what she is doing for me in that moment. She isn’t downplaying hope or underestimating possibility, she is reminding me that the odds are stacked against me. I think she does this because it’s in her nature to not count chickens before they hatch, but also because it makes her sad to see me get upset each and every month when my period shows up. I think this is her way of “holding my hand.” Who I am to judge what any human is capable of? Who am I to say that isn’t enough? Support is support any way you look at it. I chose her as a friend because of what she brings to the table. It is time that I just accept that what she brings is a dose of reality and true concern for the outcome, whatever that may be.

I also have another friend, A. She is my very best friend and has been for about the last 15 years….as I type this I suddenly start feeling quite old. She is the closest thing I have ever had to a sister despite living clear across the country for the last 10 years. She’s the one I can call at any time of night and she will ALWAYS answer the phone. She’s the one that I always answer the phone for. NO MATTER WHAT. Our love for each other isn’t optional, rather it is ingrained in our unconscious mind. We are so different from one another and yet I have never felt such camaraderie with any of my other friends.

Now for a little background info. We both graduated high school in 2001. She moved across the country and I entered the work force, skipping college all together. Skip ahead 3 or so years and we both decide that we should go back to school, her in Seattle and me at home. We went part-time, paid for it ourselves, faced many hardships, and many MANY  student loans. For each of us, the desire to earn our Bachelor’s degrees was a constant uphill battle. And yet we overcame. We won. We have the loans to prove it. We leaned on each other, encouraged each other, and celebrated one another in our triumphs.

So fast forward to yesterday. We were texting and I told her that I finally made an appointment with an infertility specialist. This is what she said to me:

“…You know that nothing you and I want comes super easy. So really don’t you expect all this? Don’t you know that in 10 years you and I will be looking back and saying, ‘Jesus that was annoying. Remember that time you tried to get pregnant?’ It’s just like when we tried to get college degrees.”

First it made me laugh, but then I realized just how right she is. All problems are temporary. My life was so very different 10 years ago and 10 years from now it will be equally so. I didn’t ask for any of this. Regardless of whether I have brought it upon myself or biology is simply effing with me, this is where I stand. I will fight. I will move forward. I will accept that I can’t and won’t be here forever.

I truly feel that this is my month. This is my cycle. My zygote is multiplying and diving as we speak. I have to choose to be positive because if I gave up every time life got me down, I wouldn’t be half the woman that I am today. I am who I am because I have struggled, because I have fought. Because at every fork in the road I somehow end up on the wrong path, yet my destination is always the same. Apparently, I prefer the scenic route. But I just know….I can’t explain how I know, I just do. My life experiences have taught me that in the end I always get what I want because I am stubborn, I am determined, and I am tenacious as hell. I have never settled in my life and I don’t plan to start now.

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3 Responses to “A Fresh Dose Of Perspective”

  1. gettingitsorted December 20, 2011 at 5:14 am #

    Great post – love your positive, stubborn attitude 🙂

  2. Theresa December 19, 2011 at 12:37 pm #

    You go girl!

  3. K.Smitty December 19, 2011 at 10:15 am #

    LOL, what a great story! And a truly great perspective 🙂

    Just remember, as lucky as you are to have them, they are just as lucky to have you too.

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