My Boobs Hurt and other Tales from 5dpo

22 Dec

-I am up and down and all over the place. I have gone from a place of positivity to a place of uncertainty. It’s sort of like I came down from that high and now my realistic (if not slightly pessimistic) side is kicking in. I really am trying to believe in the power of positive thinking, however, so I am still choosing to go with my original belief that this is my month.

-So speaking of symptoms…by boobs are pretty sore. Yes, they tend to get sore before AF shows up but not usually this early. My lower back has been hurting. Again, this could also be an AF symptom. My temperature is still high–par for the course this time of the month. So as you can see, these are all pretty normal symptoms, but I am choosing to read way more into them than I probably should.

-Another strange occurrence (and please don’t judge me): I was drinking a beer tonight (I had a really rough day) and my husband looked at me with shock that I was drinking this specific type of beer. It’s a black lager and usually I find beer that dark to be repulsive, but I was sipping this thing like it was water. The taste didn’t even phase me at all, in fact, it was quite enjoyable. I seriously couldn’t taste it at all even though in the past thee types of beers have put me on the verge of vomiting.

-I sort of started my new job today and I hated every moment of it. I have taken care of other people’s kids since I was old enough to work, about 15 years if you include all my experience as a babysitter when I was younger. I have always loved (almost) every moment of it. And I have always been quite good at it. I’ve worked at all sorts of preschools in all positions ranging from assistant teacher to Director. Unfortunately, I have been unemployed over the entire year that we have been TTC. Turns out that I have grown bitter over this past year. Yes, the children were as sweet as can be, but I couldn’t help but look at them and think “You are not mine.” And yet I must still teach them, wipe their noses, read to them, comfort them, and nurture them. For the first time in 15 years I have found myself hating my chosen career path.

-I had another opportunity to talk to another of my friends about her complete lack of interest or acknowledgement of this here borderline infertility situation that I have found myself in. It went really well. Tears were shed, hugs were exchanged, and I think a mutual understanding was reached. I intend to write a more in depth post about this in the near future.

-So that’s how 5dpo has been. Overall, I feel good. I just think the new job thing has got me down. Tomorrow should be a better day as I don’t have to go back to that place until January 2nd. And hopefully I won’t be going alone 😉

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7 Responses to “My Boobs Hurt and other Tales from 5dpo”

  1. KatyBug December 23, 2011 at 4:00 pm #

    Thinking of you — I’m 4DPO today!

    • Jenn December 23, 2011 at 4:11 pm #

      So exciting! There are so many of us currently in the 2ww. I’ll be thinking of you, good luck!!!

  2. K.Smitty December 23, 2011 at 12:29 pm #

    1. Hooray for sore bbs!
    2. Hooray for making “friends” understand
    3. I’m sorry you’re feeling bummed about your job. I got that feeling for a while too. I work with teens and not little ones, but was kind of that way around other babies I saw, especially friends babies. I wouldn’t want to hold them because they weren’t mine. It passed for me after a while, because their cuteness broke me down, but I COMPLETELY understand your need to distance yourself. Don’t let yourself feel bad about it. I’m praying for you that you’re NOT going back alone! Hope you get some good New Years Day news!

    • Jenn December 23, 2011 at 12:51 pm #

      Thanks ladies! Fingers are still crossed 🙂

  3. Theresa December 23, 2011 at 12:19 pm #

    My boobs started hurting early this month too. I’m trying not to read too much into it, especially as I’m finding the tenderness decreasing as I get closer to AF. UGH.
    (Also, I’ve had a couple drinks….trust me no judgement there)

    • K.Smitty December 23, 2011 at 1:02 pm #

      Oh yeah *ahem* me too on the drinking. Can you really avoid drinking during the TWW if it’s the holidays? I may lay off on New years Eve if I feel “positive” but we’ll just have to wait and see!

      • Jenn December 23, 2011 at 1:33 pm #

        It’s soooo hard around the holidays. So many parties to go to. Luckily, I can POAS on New Year’s Eve. In the meantime, I’m really going to try to limit myself.

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