Good Riddance to 2011

31 Dec

I’ve never been happier to see a year go. 2011 has not been kind to me. I got laid off in January and December marked 1 year of trying (unsuccessfully) to get pregnant. Those were my bookends for this year. The months in between held their share of ups and downs, like most months are wont to do.

2012 has to be better. It simply has to be.

My period arrived last night. Right on time. I took a pregnancy test this morning just to be sure because you never know I am foolishly full of hope even when the opposite is staring me in the face. Of course it was a big fact negative. No acronyms for me today because clearly there are no shortcuts on this journey.

We have our appointment with the infertility specialist on January 9. One that I was hoping I’d be able to cancel. I was secretly hoping that I would be that girl. The one I love to hate. The one who gets pregnant one she has basically given up trying. Turns out that I am not her–that girl with the last chance luck. Instead I am that girl of unfortunate circumstances, that girl who has to try just a little bit harder than the rest of the world.

There are logistics that still need to be figured out. How will we afford treatment and medication? How will I navigate requesting a lot of time off from a job that I am just starting? How will we explain it to our friends and family? How will we finally come to be pregnant? Or won’t we?

So many, many questions and so few answers.

Because tonight is New Year’s Eve and because tomorrow is a new day, a new month, a new year, and a new cycle I have decided that I will be spending the night celebrating mourning in style. I’m going out with the biggest, barren bang that I can manage. I’m going to do all of the things that I know I will miss once I am pregnant. These things include, but certainly are not limited to:

  • Drinking copious amounts of alcohol
  • Staying up until the sun comes up
  • Smoking cigarettes and maybe a cigar
  • Soaking in a hot tub
  • Taking a hot bubble bath
  • Eating cheese, deli meat, and steak cooked to medium
  • Not getting up at 7am to take my temperature
  • Taking cold medicine for this cold that I have been battling

What else can I add to this list? I only have tonight since tomorrow it all begins again.

A Very Happy New Year to each and  every one of you.

Here’s to 2012 being a much better year for you and for me.

For last year’s words belong to last year’s language and next year’s words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning. 

-T.S. Eliot

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9 Responses to “Good Riddance to 2011”

  1. amy January 1, 2012 at 1:33 pm #

    Oh Jenn, I’m sorry you got your period, ugh. I agree to saying a big fat goodbye to 2011! 2012 is gonna be a beautiful year for you 🙂 Keep that hope alive. I hope you accomplished your list of things to do ringing in the new year, that gave me a good laugh 😉

    Happy New Year friend!

    • Jenn January 1, 2012 at 3:11 pm #

      Thanks lady! I think 2011 is going to be a good year for you too! Happy new year!

      Sent from my iPhone

  2. KatyBug December 31, 2011 at 6:32 pm #

    2012 WILL be better. I know it.

    If you have any nearby rollercoasters, I say you go take a spin or two. 🙂 Add that to your list.

  3. Theresa December 31, 2011 at 3:54 pm #

    I was secretly hoping to be THAT girl, too. I mean, it seems to happen to everyone else, or so they tell me.

    We are back to the RE on Jan 13th to more seriously discuss IVF. I hear you on all the questions. Try not to worry about the work issue until you get there (easier said than done I know)

    I’ve found personally that just being honest about it has worked the best. But I am also a very open person. It doesn’t, however, keep people from offering you ridiculously stupid advice.

    Here’s to a better 2012!

    • Jenn December 31, 2011 at 4:11 pm #

      Yeah, I plan to go the honest root. I just have to get over the embarrassment that I am currently feeling. I hope your IVF talks go well! Happy New Year to you!

  4. K.Smitty December 31, 2011 at 1:57 pm #

    Sushi! Eat some sushi too!

    I’m sorry, Jenn. If it helps any, I got a BFN this morning too and my temps have been low for 3 days so I expect AF tomorrow or Monday the latest 😦
    I tested in hopes that I’d find out I couldn’t drink tonight, but as it turns out, I will be enjoying a bottle of Dom, so I’m trying to be optimistic.

    I have a really good feeling about your appointment. I just know that you’ll get the answers you’re looking for.

    • Jenn December 31, 2011 at 4:13 pm #

      Yes sushi! I will do that as well!

      Sorry to hear about your BFN…I REALLY thought this was the month for both of us! I suppose the brightside is you get to enjoy your Dom, although I know being pregnant would have been the much better option 😦

      Something could still change for you! Happy New Year Lady!

  5. TheStorkWhisperer December 31, 2011 at 1:46 pm #

    I’m right there with you when it comes to taking a pregnancy test when I have contradicting evidence right in front of me. That’s why I have officially sworn them off (for now). Happy New Year!

    • Jenn December 31, 2011 at 4:14 pm #

      It’s such torture! Happy New Year to you!!!

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