Where Do We Go From Here?

12 Feb

I got the phone call late Friday afternoon. The results of my husband’s semen analysis. We had this test done way back when we first started trying because he has a vericocele which can be a cause for male factor infertility. Apparently not for him, however. He semen is getting along swimmingly (pun intended). Our current RE had us repeat the test just in case.No problems whatsoever on his behalf.

I know this is terrible, but I did play what I thought would be a funny joke on him. In retrospect I realize that this was a terrible idea. He can’t always drop everything and take a phone call at work, so we had the RE call me to share the results of his analysis and then I called him to pass on the news. When he answered I decided that it would be funny (?!?!?) to tell him that the test showed he has a low sperm count. Don’t ask me why. It seemed like a good idea at the time. When he got upset I quickly told him that I was just joking and that he and his boys passed their test with flying colors. Obviously he didn’t think it was very funny that I made him think he was infertile. Then he asked me how I would feel if someone called me up and told me I was infertile. I was like, uh???? where have you been for the past 14 months? I deal with that feeling every.single. time my period shows up.

Anyway, I know it was terrible. I know I shouldn’t have said it. I have no idea what came over me.

So now that all of out tests have come back absolutely normal our RE has devised a plan for where to go from here. She wants to start me on Clomid for my next cycle and would prefer to pair it with IUI. She said it’s totally up to us as to whether we want to do the IUI but stressed that results are much better when the two interventions work together. I am slightly confused as to why she wants to try Clomid  seeing as my cycles are normal (every 28 days) and I am definitely ovulating on cycle day 14 or 15. I guess I have fallen into that “unexplainable” category and she is just following protocol?

To be honest, this scares the crap out of me.

I guess I just never thought I would be here. I never thought that my baby(ies) would be make in a lab somewhere. Call me a romantic, but I always thought my child would be conceived via the very physical act of love that my husband and I engage in on a regular basis. Maybe I need some time to let this all sink in. Maybe there are some very important conversations that we need to have. Maybe I need to learn to accept that our baby will be our baby, conceived in love, regardless of where that conception takes place. Maybe I only have about two weeks to come to terms with all of this.

Maybe I am currently in the 2ww once again and I have little to no hope. Maybe I am beyond tired of being disappointed.

Maybe this is the worst post I have ever written simply because I am so numb to what I am experiencing. I am going through motions that are brand new to me and yet, the tale is one that I know so well. And I really don’t know what to say or do. Instead I just follow the orders of an RE who is so much more knowledgeable than I.

I feel myself surrendering. Giving up. But I don’t know what else to do.

Have any of you tried the Clomid? How were the side effects and the results? What about an IUI? I’m new to this. I am scared and sad about this. Help a girl out????

 

xoxo

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10 Responses to “Where Do We Go From Here?”

  1. amy February 15, 2012 at 11:28 am #

    Jenn…

    IUI’s are simple, really. It’s just inserting the semen through a catheder through your cervix…so, it’s still a somewhat natural process of conception. At this point, if you did conceive, it would be in your uterus, not a lab. That would be the dreaded IVF. I’ve done 4 IUI’s, my recommendation is to do it. Clomid isn’t that bad, it wasn’t for me. The worst side effect I had was hot flashes….no increased anxiety for me, thank goodness. Maybe you could do a round or two of Clomid not paired with an IUI, that’s all up to you..but if you wanna be aggressive, do the IUI. Also glad to hear your hubs goods are still looking good 😉

    • Jenn February 19, 2012 at 8:05 pm #

      I am thinking that I will do one round of Clomid before trying an IUI. Mostly because the IUI is expensive and my insurance doesn’t cover it. I guess I would feel better about if I had a reason as to why that’s the best course of action. Alas, I don’t think I will getting one of those 😦

  2. futuresupermom February 13, 2012 at 7:32 pm #

    I’m on round two of clomid right now, actually. I did ovulate on the first round but no pregnancy. The side effects were minimal to basically none! So don’t worry about that end of things!

    • Jenn February 13, 2012 at 10:13 pm #

      Good to know. Thanks so much!

    • Jenn February 19, 2012 at 8:05 pm #

      Good, so glad to hear that the side effects are minimal! That’s the part I am dreading the most…that and quadruplets, haha 🙂

  3. veetamia February 12, 2012 at 11:11 pm #

    I did twice before moving to IVF drugs; don’t remember having any bad side effects except tiredness. I think it’s normal to experience the feelings of sadness and scared-ness; no one wants to go down this road…just give yourself time to process and breathe 🙂 You are not alone!

    • Jenn February 13, 2012 at 10:14 pm #

      It definitely helps to feel less alone in this. I know I can always count on my e-friends to understand where I am coming from. Thanks 🙂

  4. robin February 12, 2012 at 10:19 pm #

    I think everyone in fertility treatments has to go through that transition at some point: the idea that your baby may not be conceived through “lovemaking” but through “baby making” which is somewhat less romantic and definitely not ideal… at least not MY ideal!

    • Jenn February 13, 2012 at 10:15 pm #

      Definitely not ideal. But then I realized that I would never ever judge someone else for “baby making” so why am I being so hard on myself? I’m learning to just accept it and take whatever I can get 🙂 Thanks lady!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Questions Without Answers « The Future Fords - June 19, 2012

    […] my hopes up about the BBT charts, elevated prolactin, the potential uterine septum, the HSG, and my husband’s varicocele. I put my trust in Clomid, trigger shots, acupuncture, IUIs, and progesterone suppositories. All of […]

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