Weekend Wrap-Up

27 Mar

My weekend was quite a rollercoaster!

We got on the road at about noon on Friday ready to make the three hour drive up to PA. A certain somebody that I just so happen to be married to has let the registration on his much-nicer-and-in-better-condition-for-road-trips car’s registration expire so we didn’t want to risk getting pulled over so far away away from home. Unfortunately, this meant we had to take my car. The one that is practically on her deathbed which certainly didn’t help my anxiety level.

As most of you know I recently started taking Zoloft to deal with my severe anxiety and depression. For the past few years of my life I have avoided all sorts of things due to my anxiety. A huge thing that I had trouble dealing with was traveling, whether it be by car, plane, or train, I simply couldn’t do it. But all that changed this weekend. I am proud to say that I made it through the entire trip, back and forth, and stayed all weekend with nary a hiccup. Dare I say I even enjoyed myself?!?! Dare I say that the car trip was one of the highlights? Good music, This American Life, testing the limits of my bladder, conversations with my husband….I was able to stay in the moment and THOROUGHLY enjoy myself! Thank you Zoloft. And a big pat on the back to me for being open to the possibility.

I will say, however, that I have no plans of ever traveling on the PA Turnpike ever again! We were almost in Altoona when I missed my exit. No big deal, right? WRONG! The next exit was like 35 miles away. So we were going to have to go 70 miles out of our way just to get back to the exit that I missed. I understand that this is what happens when you have small towns nestled into the mountains, but 35 miles? Seriously?!? After driving for about 20 miles in one direction I finally found somewhere that I could make an illegal u-turn on the highway. There was a cop sitting right there, but I didn’t effing care. Turns out he didn’t pull me over and we made it to the hotel only running about an hour behind schedule.

On Friday night, I started spotting which never happens to me. I decided not to freak out because I knew that could happen even if I was pregnant. I took my progesterone as planned and slept terribly for the night. First thing in the morning I awoke to AF making her unwelcome appearance. My eyes started to well up with tears, but then I remembered my game plan. TTC and POAS was in a lock box in my mind, not to be dealt with until I returned home. My husband tried to hug me and wanted to talk, but I told him that I simply couldn’t. I didn’t have it in me to hold it together and once it came out it would be beyond my control to try and stop it. So he left me alone and we went about our day getting ready for the wedding that night.

When I walked into the reception hall, I immediately locked eyes with my father. There was no escaping the inevitable at that point. I walked up to him, we hugged, and he told me to find him after the ceremony. That wasn’t so bad, I thought to myself. After pictures, after food, and once everyone got up and started mingling, my Dad made a beeline straight for me and told me to get my husband and come to his table because he and my step-mom would like to meet my husband. I said sure, found Tim, and went up to their table. We made small talk…where you living, what are you doing, how long have you been married, etc…..

And then part I had really been dreading. He asked for my phone number because he would like to have my husband and I over for dinner. I gave it to him and he was pretty insistent that he would call me to schedule something this week. Whatever. I’m not holding my breath.

He left about an hour later. Came up, gave me a hug goodbye, and that was it. No drama, good or bad. Just simple and exactly what I had both expected and prepared for.

I guess one good thing about AF showing up that morning was that I had the all clear to drink alcohol. So drink alcohol I did. And I danced, A lot. With my husband, with my cousins, with my brother, and with my absolutely precious nieces.

On Sunday morning, it was my niece’s 7th birthday, so we all headed over to Chucky Cheese before getting on the road. Out of everything I experienced this weekend, this day might have been the hardest of all. My brother, his new wife, and three girls are moving clear across the country to Nevada. Army’s orders. Sunday we had to say goodbye not knowing when the next time is that we will see them. It nearly broke my heart. I love those girls more than anything and the thought of them being so far away is almost unbearable.

Speaking of brothers….my littlest one came home all the way from Korea for the wedding. I hadn’t seen him since last November even though it somehow feels even longer. He may have a few more muscles, but other than that he hasn’t changed a bit. This gives me comfort.

When I got home on Sunday night I took a pregnancy test just to be sure since I would be starting the Clomid again that night. Of course, it was a BFN. But I already knew that.

The plan for this month is Clomid with monitoring, HCG trigger shot, IUI, lots of BD, and progesterone suppositories during the luteal phase. Oh! And acupuncture tomorrow night!!!

Before you ask…yes, this is all so very expensive for us. I know it nowhere compares to IVF or what some other have had to pay, but for us it feels like so much. We don’t have the best insurance and it comes with an extremely high deductible. A high deductible that we will have met by the end of this month. Yes, it is only March. But even though we met our deductible, the insurance still only covers 50% of the IUI and absolutely nothing for the medication. When all is said and done, this month’s cycle will cost us about $2000 out of pocket.

It has to work. Our baby fund will be exhausted after this month so we’ll have to take some time off and revert to making babies old school style while we replenish our baby fund.

Phew….that was a lot! Sorry for the long post, but there was just so much to fill you in on!

I hope you all had equally lovely weekend. xoxo


8 Responses to “Weekend Wrap-Up”

  1. K.Smitty March 28, 2012 at 6:57 am #

    Well boo for AF and BFNs! I’m expecting the same results myself this weekend
    but oh well… I’m really glad to hear everything went ok….from the anxiety to the BFN to your dad. I was holding my breath reading this still expecting a hiccup but I’m so happy for you that everything at least went smoothly and without drama. Your plan for the month sounds super hopeful! This time it’s gonna work….I think I can feel it!!! Sending you high fives and hugs for your bravery, and as always, lots and lots of luck and “baby dust”! Xo

    • Jenn March 28, 2012 at 10:43 am #

      I think I can feel it too…of course I say that every month 🙂 I hope you are wrong about your test this weekend!!! Don’t count it out yet! Thanks for everything lady and lots and lots of baby dust to you.

  2. robin March 27, 2012 at 10:19 pm #

    I’m glad there was no drama, even if he did pressure you into giving him your phone number. And, I guess if AF was going to come, at least it came in time for you to be able to drink at the wedding…!

    • Jenn March 27, 2012 at 10:27 pm #

      All very good points 🙂

      Sent from my iPhone

  3. babysocks2008 March 27, 2012 at 9:59 pm #

    Happy to hear the weekend went well. Little kids b’day parties are alwasy hard but sounds like you made it through like a champ. Good luck with your IUI…maybe this cycle will be THE cycle….

    • Jenn March 27, 2012 at 10:01 pm #

      I certainly hope so! Thanks 🙂

  4. TheStorkWhisperer March 27, 2012 at 8:43 pm #

    I’m glad your weekend went well. I kinda sorta get travel anxiety before I go on a long trip or vacation. I find myself worrying about being away from home and what could happen. I am gettng better though. Nevertheless, relaxing on vacation is something I have trouble with.

    Sorry about AF! Good luck with your next cycle.

    • Jenn March 27, 2012 at 9:34 pm #

      That’s exactly what I worry about….that something might happen at home while I am away and I won’t be able to get there in time. Not that I could do anything about it, but I just think I would be better if I were there. Who knows? Anxiety is a strange monster. Thanks for the well wishes 🙂

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