Somebody Got It Right For Once

19 Oct

A few days ago I told you all how I was not having a very good day. I mentioned briefly that I had called and balled my eyes out to my mom about my fears of IVF, the worry over never having children, and the state of my marriage. She listened intently, but the conversation still ended with her telling me that I just need to relax. You all know how that goes. I got even more upset and told her to please never say that to me ever again. If it were a matter of “just relaxing” then I would have 15 kids by now.

Fast forward to this morning when she called me on my way to work and managed to say all the right things.

First, she explained that by “just relax” she meant I need to chill out for my own sake, not because that would get me pregnant. Then she went on to tell me that since she has known me my whole life that she probably knows me better than anyone else on this planet. And being my mother, we share a closeness that can’t possible resemble any other relationship I’ve had in my life. That being true, she said she just KNOWS that this will happen for me. She feels it in her heart and with every fiber of her being. I can’t stop fighting this fight just yet because it’s not my time. Then she said the greatest words anyone has ever said to me:

“I know that you have lost faith in yourself, your body, and this process. And that’s okay because I have decided to carry your burden of faith for you until you are ready to have it back. You just do what you need to do to make yourself happy right now. But please keep trying and know that I have faith in this even if you don’t.”

I had no idea what to say back to her, so I just said thank you. I mean, what does one say that could ever suffice when someone offers to carry such a heavy weight for you?

It was just so unlike my mom to say these things to me. She normally prefers to go the route of ignoring problems and hoping they will go away. Or suffer in silence until she explodes. Maybe this was her explosion? I have no idea. All that I do know is that I was wishing I had recorded that conversation because never has anyone managed to say exactly what I needed to hear in the face of my infertility and I’m not sure that it will ever happen again.

So like my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day that I had on Wednesday, this morning also started with tears. But these tears were something different. Today I cried out of love, joy, and relief. I’m ready for my IUI tomorrow morning. I’m not going to worry about whether or not it is going to work–I’m going to let my Mom do that for me this time. I just hope that she knows that in my 29 years on this planet, this might very well be the greatest gift I have every been given.

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23 Responses to “Somebody Got It Right For Once”

  1. A Sweet Life October 21, 2012 at 9:04 am #

    Wow! What an amazing thing your mother said to you! She truly loves you and will do anything for you. You will have your opportunity to be a mommy too, and do that for your daughter or son one day!! Best wished on conceiving this month! Prayers for you!

  2. storkchaser October 20, 2012 at 5:32 pm #

    I can’t put into words how happy I am for you. Your mom it’s truly amazing and soooo loving. I can only imagine how loved that makes you feel and you deserve that. Maybe there’s hope for my mom lol!

    • storkchaser October 20, 2012 at 5:33 pm #

      Oh and this post had my bawling when I first read it. So powerful!

  3. Roxxroxx October 19, 2012 at 11:33 pm #

    Ah, i’m really intently following your posts and so glad that things have started to look up for you again. Hugs.

  4. Beth Deschenes October 19, 2012 at 9:26 pm #

    Your Mom is the greatest, and I would never doubt a thing she says to you (which you arent πŸ™‚ ). You have love all over, and it IS going to carry you through. Sometimes we have to let people carry us until we can walk again…that is what family is for!! I love you. Hope all went well today.

  5. AmandaRaye October 19, 2012 at 8:49 pm #

    Aww thats sweet!! I know its sometimes very tough staying positive through all this!! Good luck tomorrow!!

  6. bethanykenyon October 19, 2012 at 7:50 pm #

    Good luck tomorrow!! You have such a wonderful mama!!!!

  7. nonsequiturchica October 19, 2012 at 4:17 pm #

    I’m glad that she was able to give you some peace and calm before your IUI. GOOD LUCK tomorrow! πŸ™‚

  8. Theresa October 19, 2012 at 4:14 pm #

    Wow – how relieving that must have been to hear what you needed to. Go mom!

  9. JustHeather October 19, 2012 at 3:53 pm #

    Beautiful! I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes. That is a most wonderful gift. You’re very lucky to have a mom like that.

  10. Amanda October 19, 2012 at 3:47 pm #

    what a beautiful response from your mom! that’s exactly what we need sometimes, someone to step alongside us and carry the load. thinking of you tomorrow during my IUI. hope we are both successful!

  11. Kathryn October 19, 2012 at 3:35 pm #

    Aww, this is , without a doubt, the sweetest post ever… I love it. You can make it another day.

  12. amy October 19, 2012 at 3:32 pm #

    Sorry I missed your last post when you were having a bad day 😦 I’m so sorry for that! IF sucks the life out of you unfortunately. When you said you felt “detatched from the desire of wanting a baby”…I so get that feeling sometimes! It’s crazy. You have followed me for a long time and you know I have always said I could never do IVF, and not sure how we could afford it. Well, we are paying on a huge loan and I’m introducing all these lovely synthetic hormones into my body now….uggghhhh! I pray you don’t have to do it, but if you do, you will find a way and you will be at peace with it.

    I’m so glad your mom said what she said…I love it, she couldn’t have said it better. Jenn, I’m praying for you sweet girl πŸ™‚ xoxoxo

  13. Arwen Rose October 19, 2012 at 2:53 pm #

    That is a truly lovely thing to say. Sometimes people come through just when you need them most.

  14. Shelley October 19, 2012 at 2:50 pm #

    Your mom sounds amazing!

    • Jenn October 19, 2012 at 2:53 pm #

      She is pretty cool πŸ™‚

  15. Stupid Stork October 19, 2012 at 2:37 pm #

    Love. Love, love, love.

    • Jenn October 19, 2012 at 2:45 pm #

      πŸ™‚

  16. 35life October 19, 2012 at 2:29 pm #

    Wow! This is absolutely beautiful! In a sea of so many wrong words, it’s so nice to finally hear the right ones at the right time.

    • Jenn October 19, 2012 at 2:45 pm #

      You couldn’t be more right πŸ™‚

  17. Amanda October 19, 2012 at 2:27 pm #

    What a great momma you have! I totally teared up when I read what she said to you. I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow!!!

    • Jenn October 19, 2012 at 2:44 pm #

      She drives me crazy for sure, but I do love her πŸ™‚

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