Beta, Beta, Go Away….

28 Nov

….Come again another day.

Like, maybe when you actually feel like sticking around for 9 months???

My body must still be reeling from the pregnancy hormones because I am hot mess today. A big ball of hot flashes, weepyness, anger, and an overwhelming desire to sleep.

I seriously cried today when I read that Jessica Simpson is pregnant 6 months after having her first baby. And were they trying? No, of course not! Who would get pregnant on purpose when a 4 gajillion contract with Weight Watchers is on the line? Me, that’s who. But certainly not Jessica Simpson. Who cried over celebrity pregnancies? Who feels like the tabloids are specifically rubbing fertility in her face when Kate Middleton (gasp!) might also be pregnant? What is wrong with me? I wasn’t even this bad after TTC for 2 years with nary a pregnancy in sight.

(click on picture for source)

Then I had an internal freakout at the realization that my friends are about to move onto baby #2. Talk about mind blowing and potentially trauma inducing. For me, obviously.

Ugh. Eff what the doctor days. I’m mixing me up a Dark and Stormy. It’s been a long two weeks. Momma deserves to drown her pregnancy hormones in an alcoholic beverage or two. Ha, now there’s a sentence that would only come from the mouth of she who is cursed with an ectopic pregnancy that won’t quit.


31 Responses to “Beta, Beta, Go Away….”

  1. No Baby Ruth December 12, 2012 at 6:35 am #

    I’m catching up on older posts and just saw this one. Woah about the Kate Middleton thing. Turns out they were right, huh? But I’m with you. Even THAT shit annoys me.

  2. Christina @ According To C December 7, 2012 at 2:17 pm #

    I haven’t had a chance to comment lately (I find it hard on my phone) but wanted to tell you I’m thinking of you and sending happy thoughts your way!

  3. thebarrenlibrarian December 6, 2012 at 2:06 pm #

    Oh sweetie-what you’ve been through is horrible. There is NOTHING WRONG with the way you’re feeling. You have to give yourself a break.

    Also, sorry I’m late to the party on this.

  4. Jennifer December 2, 2012 at 10:22 pm #

    How are you doing?

  5. Good Egg Hatched November 30, 2012 at 3:43 pm #

    Don’t forget that Jessica Simpson once thought tuna fish was chicken. Infertility and loss suck, but I still wouldn’t want to be as dumb as she is, even if I could be as fertile. But yeah, very annoying indeed.

    I have so been where you are with the two doses MTX (made me SO freaking sick) and the excrutiatingly slow beta drop. I mean the last three times I went the thing went down by like five points each time. I thought I’d lose it.

    As far as exercise, I think once your beta shows that it’s really dropping with significant declines and maybe below 500 or so they will probably give you the green light. Oh, and the bleeding will probably come and go — did they tell you that? No one told me that it would probably start again after stopping. As the beta drops your body kicks in with more bleeding at intervals. I think I maybe had 3-4 episodes of bleeding before all was said and done and my HCG hit zero. The bleeding definitely is a final, painful confirmation, I totally relate to that.

    Regarding the tattoo, I am so sorry but I cannot recommend putting anything on your hip, because I for one am a true believer that you will be having a baby belly very soon. And it’s really not pretty what happens to your abdomen, which doesn’t just mean your stomach, it really affects everything around it. You just don’t know where everything will “land” afterward once the baby is born, you know?

    Here’s another thing to think about, and take it for what it’s worth, this is in no way to discount the pain you’re in right now or your right to do whatever you feel is right for you to honor that pain and the connection with this pregnancy. But the thing is (because again, I believe you WILL be successful), once you get your baby, you may not want a permanent reminder of this painful time before s/he arrived. I had a m/c with my first IVF attempt before my son’s pregnancy, and that now feels like an eternity ago, and even though I think it’s very sad that that happened and I feel bad that it didn’t work out, I think more than anything that if that had worked, I wouldn’t have the kid that did. And I think a lot of people end up feeling that way. I’m not sure I would want to be reminded of the sadness and shock I experienced through that time. Again, just food for thought…tattoo or not, you won’t always feel this way, I can promise you that for sure.

    • Jenn November 30, 2012 at 3:52 pm #

      Thanks so much for reaching out to me! They definitely didn’t tell me that the bleeding would stop and start. It finally stopped two days ago and I was really hoping that would be it 😦 Sorry to hear about your m/c and ectopic. That must just be so painful, but I am happy that you have your son now 🙂

  6. Sunshine November 30, 2012 at 12:19 pm #

    Mix up another round. Cheers.

  7. YeahScience! November 30, 2012 at 11:58 am #

    I know, I JUST read about Jessica Simpson yesterday! So annoying… it was the same when Tori Spelling had an “oops” pregnancy — her FOURTH — a few months after giving birth. Drives me crazy… although I think I’ll be slightly more happy for Kate Middleton because she seems like such a good person.

  8. LisaB November 30, 2012 at 9:25 am #


  9. jell jell @ I'll Sleep When They're Grown November 30, 2012 at 12:58 am #

    That picture is so ridiculous, I love it. And I don’t understand the “oops I’m pregnants” at all, either.

  10. Luna November 29, 2012 at 4:15 pm #

    I want to come over to the US and get slammed on margaritas with you. Lets do it babe! Lets get fecked.

    • Jenn November 29, 2012 at 4:30 pm #

      YES!!! Come over!! I have a spare bedroom and a bottle of tequila with your name on it!

  11. Seagull November 29, 2012 at 3:48 pm #

    Seriously – celebrity pg announcements always hit me hard. Why? I have no idea. I’m pissed that Jessica Simpson is pg again. What an idiot. You deserve a drink and hang in there. you are being so strong.

  12. Fertility Doll November 29, 2012 at 12:44 pm #

    At the same time can you imagine the pressure she (Kate) is under to reproduce. I think my ovaries would be scared if I was in her position. But yeah.. all the same.. going to join you in the barfing.

    As for “Then I had an internal freakout at the realization that my friends are about to move onto baby #2” — I was doing that today!

  13. Arwen Rose November 29, 2012 at 10:53 am #

    If anyone deserves a drink its you sweetie. Fuck Jessica Simpson! As for our Duchess I read somewhere she was “thoroughly checked” before she was allowed to marry wills, you know to make sure she’s not one of us infertiles! Doubt they’ve checked him tho….

  14. slese1014 November 28, 2012 at 11:20 pm #

    I’m definitely up for some shots to drown my sorrows I mean congratulate those fertiles on a job well done…cheers to you my dear Jenn you need this drink…& since I’m not on drugs or pregnant I’m blaming my breakdown on the full moon…hugs to you my dear!!!

    Ps the only thing I saw on Kate was her bangs…nothing about a baby…the Jess Simpson thing…just stupid fertiles…that is all

  15. kateetaylor November 28, 2012 at 10:31 pm #

    *clinks glass* here here. Cheers to everyone. Especially you Jen because you are a little piece of awesome.

    • Jenn November 28, 2012 at 10:43 pm #

      Right back at ya 😉

  16. steph50 November 28, 2012 at 10:14 pm #

    Jessica Simpson is pregnant again?! Accidentally, again?! I need a drink, too.

    • Jenn November 28, 2012 at 10:20 pm #

      Let’s have a cyber toast. To Jessica Simpson and her damn fertility. Here here!

      Sent from my iPhone

  17. Mrs. Wuestewald November 28, 2012 at 9:47 pm #

    I think a stiff drink is in order. I too saw the pregnancy announcements and I was definitely thinking WTF really!maybe weight watchers will come up with a pregnancy diet for her.

  18. SM November 28, 2012 at 9:34 pm #

    I have one or two friends who are gearing up to move on to baby #2. I’m fairly certain I’ll be lapped soon. Drown those stupid pregnancy hormones! Have a drink or two or three.

  19. kateetaylor November 28, 2012 at 9:22 pm #

    Just googled Dark and Stormy recipe. Rum and ginger beer? Really? Not sure i can go past a grasshopper. Probably I should have been born in 1950.

    And they are *always* saying kate middleton is pregnant. Sooner or later one of them will get it right and.

    • Jenn November 28, 2012 at 9:57 pm #

      What is this grasshopper you speak of???

      Sent from my iPhone

      • kateetaylor November 28, 2012 at 10:07 pm #

        it’s cream, Crem de Cacao and Creme de menthe. I imagine it’s what angel poo tastes like. hmm okay that sounds gross. It’s like a thousand angels kissing your tongue? I give up on the angel analogy. Hopefully agnels don’t poo in glasses.

        Why can’t someone come up with a cocktail diet to lose weight? Now *that* would make everyone want to have sex too. See? Grasshoppers cure infertility. Is there anything they can’t do?

        • Jenn November 28, 2012 at 10:19 pm #

          Well if they both cure infertility and also reinvigorate your sec drive then consider me sold!

          I do like grasshopper cookies…

          Sent from my iPhone

  20. Kristin November 28, 2012 at 9:07 pm #

    I saw that Kate Middleton bit. Well, to be truthful, I subscribe to Us Weekly. I am not ashamed. But, to the point, the anti-malarial drugs are reported to have just cleared her system a couple of weeks ago. If they announce a pregnancy than I’m going to vomit. It would definitely be a first time success. Barf.

    • Jenn November 28, 2012 at 9:09 pm #

      Ugh. Barf indeed. Glad I’m not alone in my bitterness 🙂

      Sent from my iPhone

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